


GBBO: The Missing Series

by Zephyrfox



Category: GoldenEye (1995), James Bond (Craig movies), The Great British Bake Off RPF
Genre: Baking, Crack Crossover, M/M, No Explosions, gbbo au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-06
Updated: 2018-07-06
Packaged: 2019-06-06 11:12:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15193523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zephyrfox/pseuds/Zephyrfox
Summary: The spies of MI6 meet their matches in Mary Berry and Paul Hollywood - and Paul has a secret that comes to light.





	GBBO: The Missing Series

 

Mel scanned the tent, observing the bakers, as she spoke to the camera. “It’s another lovely day here in the tent, but oh dear — it appears one of our unluckiest bakers ever is once again having trouble with his… equipment.”

Her fellow presenter, Sue, elbowed her in the ribs and winked. “I’d help him with his equipment any time!”

Mel rolled her eyes, but turned along with the camera to watch as Sue strolled over to the contestant, and continued into a voiceover. “Alec is originally from Truro, in Cornwall, but was raised in Sheffield. He’s had a lifelong love of grilling, and only recently discovered his love of baking when he found out that creme brulee and meringues are made using blowtorches.”

While Mel was speaking, Sue approached Alec and knelt down. “Having problems again, Alec?”

As the broad-shouldered man crouched in front of his oven turned to her, the camera zoomed in for a closeup of incredible green eyes. “Yes, I’m afraid the oven door’s jammed. I can’t pull it out.”

The camera panned over to Sue’s face as her carefully composed expression of concern wobbled a bit, showing a hint of a smirk at the unintentional innuendo. She took a deep breath and moved closer to the oven and Alec. “Well, let me see if I can help.”

Alec obligingly shifted away from the oven and watched over her shoulder as she sat on the floor and grasped the handle.

Sue gave the handle a mighty heave and they both went flying as the oven door slid too easily out of its slot. Her grip on the handle ensured the door came with her as she ended up sprawled on top of Alec. The camera moved closer, catching her expression of consternation.

Mel shook her head. “I’m not sure how that’s helping with his equipment, Sue!”

 

~~~~

 

“What happened with that door? It’s odd that it shot out like that after being stuck.” Mel shifted on the couch to get a better look at her friend in the dim light of the sitting room.

The scene on the television froze as Sue hit the pause button. “I really don’t know. It was jammed in there when I started pulling, and then it just came free, like whatever was holding it in there broke. I certainly wasn’t expecting Alec to grab my shoulders and pull me aside as the door gave way.”

Mel smirked. “Seems like a he’d be good landing pad, at least.”

Sue shrugged, answering just as Mel took a sip of her wine. “You know I prefer my landing pads to be a littler curvier.”

Mel choked a bit, but managed to swallow her mouthful. When she caught her breath, she glared at her friend. “Just hit play.”

 

~~~~

 

The image on the television started moving again, shifting abruptly to a new scene. Mel and Sue stood just outside the tent as six people walked down the hill towards them.

Sue was speaking to the camera. “— will be the Star Baker this week, and who will leave the tent? We have six bakers remaining.”

The scene shifted to the inside of the tent, where the bakers were separating to go to their stations. Sue continued in a voiceover.  “Alec Trevelyan and James Bond.” The camera focused on the green-eyed blond from the earlier scene, heading towards one of the stations in the front of the tent, then panned to another blond walking toward the station opposite.

James was just as well built as Alec, but with ice blue eyes. The camera lingered on him a moment before moving on to a slightly built brunet with a goatee and a silver haired woman, both taking their own stations behind the first two. “Next, we have David Webb and Ruby Gardner. And last, but by no means least, our pair of Star Bakers from last week, Kathyna Morris and Jiya Patel.”

“It’s not usual to have two Star Bakers at one time, but Mary Berry and Paul Hollywood decided that both women deserved the honor,” Mel said as the camera came to a halt, recording the two women in a long shot as they walked down the center of the tent. Kathyna Morris, her corkscrew curls held back by a bright blue scarf, took the station on the right, while Jiya Patel, her long, dark hair pulled back and fastened with an elastic at the base of her neck, took the station on the left.

Mary Berry and Paul Hollywood joined Mel and Sue at the front of the tent. “Good morning, Bakers! Today, for your Signature Bake —”

 

~~~~

 

Sue paused the video and reached for the bottle of wine on the coffee table between them. “More?” Mel held out her glass wordlessly, so Sue poured a generous amount of wine into the offered glass first, then her own. She looked critically at the level of wine remaining. “Do you have any more bottles? We’ve just about gone through this one.”

Mel grinned conspiratorially. “I have a few put by for emergencies.”

“Maybe you should break out another one.” Sue put the bottle down, leaned back into the couch, and hit play. The scene on the television flared into motion once more. “After this last series? I’d say this qualifies as an emergency.”

 

~~~~

 

Paul Hollywood, a fixed smile on his face, stood with Mary Berry and Mel in front of one of the stations. His attention appeared to be focused on the baker behind the counter, who was stirring the contents of a pot and having a whispered argument with… no one.

“I know what I’m doing,” James Bond hissed. “It is _not_ too hot!”

Mel and Mary Berry exchanged concerned glances as a drawing of a cake appeared on screen.

Sue’s voiceover began, sounding almost desperately cheerful. “James is making a cosmic fantasy mirror glaze cake. His almond flavour Genoise sponge layer cake will have a chocolate mousse filling and will be enrobed with four different colours of mirror glaze, with decorative silver ball bearings depicting the Milky Way on top.”

The drawing disappeared. On the screen, Mel and Mary were inching away from James, who was now straining the contents of the pot into a bowl. James looked up as if startled to see them there, then glanced at Paul, who tapped his ear with a smirk as he turned away to follow the ladies.

 

~~~~

 

“It makes no sense.”

Sue rolled her head against the couch back to the side, squinting to bring her friend into focus. Where were her glasses? She’d had them when they’d gone to get two more bottles of wine from Mel’s pantry. “I know.”

“It was all bizarre.”

“So bizarre,” Sue said, thinking about the strange things they’d witnessed over the last few weeks. Coming across James and Alec, standing unusually close together in a quiet corner while on a break from filming. She’d thought they were just talking, until she’d seen their expressions — unguarded, because they didn’t realize anyone was watching. All the strange mishaps that seemed to target only Alec and James — hmmm… given what had happened later? Maybe they had. Paul had been acting strangely aloof throughout the filming, too. He couldn’t have been involved in what happened, though. No, the past twenty-four hours didn’t even come close to the level of bizarreness of the last few weeks.

“But they’re so cute,” Mel said wistfully.

_Oh dear,_ Sue thought. Better nip that in the bud. “They’re together, you know.”

Mel frowned, puzzled. “Together? You mean they work together.”

“Nope. _Together_ together.”

Mel’s eyebrows rose. “Huh. Really?”

“Yep.” She nodded once for emphasis.

“Ah well,” Mel sighed. “It’s always the cute ones, isn’t it?”

Sue smirked. “Yep.” She learned forward, reaching for the bottle. Ah, good. There were her glasses, on the coffee table. Still, first things first. “More wine?”

“God, yes.”

 

~~~~

  


“Why’s he still here?” Sue murmured, her microphone barely catching her voice. “He was eliminated last week.”

The camera panned towards the the side of the tent where a man stood, a crutch under each arm. He watched with a sullen expression as Alec put a tray of perfectly circular biscuits into the oven.

“No idea,” Mel whispered back. “Do we just ignore him?”

“I guess?”

“Right then.” In a slightly louder voice Mel addressed the camera. “James left the tent last week after a disastrous Technical Challenge that resulted in a broken leg. He’d been Star Baker two weeks before, but as you know, that won’t keep you safe.”

 

~~~~

 

“Is there any more footage?” Mel leaned forward, succeeding in picking up the bottle on her second attempt.

Sue shook her head carefully, conscious of the amount of wine she’d consumed. “Just this last bit, I think. I don’t know how this footage escaped being —”

“Disappeared?”

“Yeah.”

Mel’s eyes flicked toward the television. “Do you think… Should we watch it?”

Sue adjusted her glasses and frowned, trying to force her brain into action. “Well… we have it, right? And we’ve watched the other footage. So why not?”

“They did confiscate everything else we filmed this series, you know. They probably only missed this because the files were still in your inbox.”

She shrugged. “They’ve already interrogated us. What else can they do to us?”

Mel raised an eyebrow. “Oh, I don’t know… _Put us in prison for the rest of our lives?”_

“You’re right.” Sue finished off the dregs of wine in her glass. “Shit. Well, pass the bottle and hit play. We might as well enjoy our last bit of freedom.”

 

~~~~

Five bakers worked industriously at five stations. A sixth, _former_ baker, stood by one of the stations, closely observing the baker there. David kept turning toward the man on crutches as if puzzled.

Sue’s voice played over the scene. “It’s been an exciting day in the tent folks. After this morning’s fruit tart disasters, it looks as though the technical challenge Paul Hollywood set for our bakers is testing their skills to the limit.”

Mel took up the voiceover. “Stilton and walnut soda bread sounds simple, but as everyone knows, Paul Hollywood and Mary Berry expect perfection in their technical challenges.”

“Bakers! You have 30 minutes remaining!”

A sudden commotion by one of the stations at Sue’s announcement caused both presenters to look over.

David Webb stared at the mixing bowl he’d just flung into the center aisle and gave a steam kettle shriek full of anger and frustration. Dough that looked as though it had hardly risen oozed out onto the carpet tiles of the tent’s floor. _“This is all your fault!”_ he screamed at James. He dramatically tossed his apron aside and pulled out a gun.

_“Alec!_ Get him!” James hurled one of his crutches at David, who ducked, dropping his gun. Clearly panicking, David ran for the tent’s exit, putting him in position for Alec’s flying tackle.

As the camera turned to follow the action, Paul Hollywood’s voice came from off screen. “That’s enough of that, I think.”

The screen went black.

 

~~~~

 

Sue walked down the hallway with no idea where she was going. She was glad she had an escort showing her the way, even though that escort had been interrogating — well, ‘interviewing’ — her only a few minutes before.

She cast her eyes down, observing her companion’s nearly smooth gait. “You never did say why you’re walking with barely a limp now. I thought your leg was badly broken after what happened a few weeks ago.”

James smirked at her. “That was just to throw Webb off balance. I did have a sprain, but it’s healed now.”

That was weird. “Why would faking an injury —?”

“Can’t tell you that. Sorry.”

Sue considered that. Still odd. Maybe she should try to get some different information out of her escort. Mel was probably doing the same — they could compare notes later. “All right. You arrested David for _something._ Why was he there?”

“Persistent, aren’t you?” James asked, approval evident in his tone. “I’ve already said that I can’t tell you.”

Sue huffed, disappointed. She was burning up with curiosity. David had seemed to be such a nice baker. She’d been shocked when he had begun screaming about everything being James’ fault in the tent earlier. Hmmmm…. How could she find out what had been going on? Maybe she could review what they had filmed for this series? She almost groaned as she remembered that all of the footage had been confiscated.

Wait. There might be some left...

Two people came around the corner, deep in discussion. They ignored her and James as they went past. Sue couldn’t help turning her head to follow the attractive pair. She’d seen them earlier, when she and the others had arrived at MI6. The cute man was called Q of all things, and the woman had been called Miss Moneypenny.

James leaned over. “Hands off, he’s mine.”

_Really?_ Shock kept her silent for a moment. The cutie _and_ Alec? She admired James’ stamina. Still — “That means I’ve got a shot at her.”

She grinned impishly as James shot her a sharp look of disbelief, pleased that she'd surprised him. “Now, where did you say we were going, again?”

 

~~~~

 

Mel sat in a comfortable chair around a huge conference table. A sideboard along the wall held a tea kettle with several cups. She’d been waiting here for a while, ever since finishing the interview with Alec. She’d been glad when Sue showed up a few minutes later.

Sue leaned over to her. “When do you think they’ll let us go?”

“Soon, I hope.” Mel sipped her tea. “Want to go back to mine after? I think we could use a drink or three. We can see what’s been salvaged from the raw foota —”

At the same time, Sue said, “I think I have —”

The conference room door opened before they could finish speaking.

“Ah, good, I’m glad to see both of you.” It was the young man with wild hair and glasses. “Miss Berry, if you could wait in here, please?”

“Certainly, young man, but not for too long. It’s been a long day, full of excitement, and I’m sure we’re all exhausted.”

“I understand, ma’am. I’m sure it won’t be too much longer. Miss Moneypenney will escort you out soon. In the meantime, I’ll send in more tea and some biscuits.”

“It really is good tea,” Sue said, "although I'm not certain if the biscuits are up to your standards."

Mary took a chair at the table and sniffed, “We’ll see. Pour me a cup, please.”

“Of course.”

As Sue poured the tea, Mel looked over at… no one. “He’s gone.”

“What was that, dear?”

“That man — he’s gone.”

“Good.” Mary took the cup Sue handed her only to stare pensively into it instead of taking a sip. “He’s a strange one. Quiet and polite, but there’s an air of danger around him.”

“Him?” Sue shot a puzzled glance at Mel before continuing. “But he’s such a cutie.”

Mel agreed with Sue, but Mary had to have a reason. She leaned forward and asked, “What do you mean, ‘an air of danger’? Did he threaten you?”

Sue just sat back in her chair with a huff, folding her arms and rolling her eyes.

“No, he didn’t. He was perfectly polite to me. But I have a feeling he could be quite dangerous.”

“I think that’s the two gorgeous ones, Mary,” Sue said.

Mel could see irritation in the set of Mary’s mouth, and seized on the chance to change the conversation. She smirked at Sue. “Gorgeous, huh?”

Sue rolled her eyes. “Just because I’m not interested in them doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate them.”

“Speaking of disappearing men,” Mary interjected, “where’s Paul?”

 

~~~~

 

“How did you manage to go from a Double O to a master chef?” James asked, eyeing Paul Hollywood, impressed despite himself that the man was in such good shape.

He, Paul, and Alec were sat around a table at a hole in the wall pub down the street from MI6. The owners were ex-agents of some sort — no one knew if they had been affiliated with MI5 or 6 — and allowed both agencies to sweep their pub for bugs several times a day. It was as safe a place to talk shop as any.

Rather than answer, Paul simply tossed back his drink and set his glass back on the table, his blue eyes twinkling with humour.

Alec chuckled, clapping James on the back as he stood. “Give it up, James. He’s not going to answer that. This round’s mine — same again?”

He and Paul nodded. An unpleasant knot formed in James’ stomach as he noticed Paul Hollywood’s brilliant blue eyes following Alec’s backside. He scowled, but smoothed his face into a neutral expression before Hollywood turned back around.

“You two work together often? What I saw of your teamwork looked quite good. Very practised.”

James did _not_ grind his teeth in irritation, and told himself it was an innocent question. Paul Hollywood wasn’t going to poach his partner. “We’ve worked together for years. We’ve known each other since our military days.”

“It definitely shows,” Paul said, then looked up and smiled. “Here’s Alec back.”

James turned around. “That didn’t take long.”

“It’s dead in here today. Besides, the bartender knows our usual.” Three glasses thumped onto the table, and Alec dropped back into his seat, shoving an elbow into James’ ribs. “Did I miss anything good?”

Paul picked up his glass. “Nope.” He took a few swallows and set his glass back down on the table, his brilliant blue eyes full of amusement.

James fought back a growl as he noticed Alec grinning back. “We caught the ring that hired Webb. Q doesn’t think you’ll have any further trouble with them — unless you have other enemies out there we don’t know about.”

Paul shrugged. “You never know what might come crawling out of the woodwork over the years.”

“True,” Alec nodded. “Did you find out what set Webb off?”

“Yeah.” James huffed a laugh, shaking his head at Webb’s actions. “He messed up his signature bake because he was too busy worrying about what I was still doing there. And then I sabotaged the dough for his technical. He realized he’d be asked to leave the tent, which would put paid to his plans to befriend Paul and attempt to worm all his secrets out of him.” Not that _that_ would have worked. Paul Hollywood had turned out to be one of the most closemouthed bastards that James had encountered in a long time.

Alec leaned back, balancing his chair on two legs. “Why do we always get the ones with the over-the-top plans? Were yours like that, back when you were active, Paul?”

Paul just shrugged with that annoying smirk.

“Give it up, Alec. He’s not going to tell.”

Alec shot him an unreadable look. “Right. Well then — You knew M, right? What was she like when she was young?”

M was always _their_ M, and never Mallory. James figured she was Paul’s M, too.

Paul shook his head, chuckling. “Some secrets need to stay buried, boys. But I will tell you — dealing with M gave me the skills to deal with Mary Berry!”

  


**Author's Note:**

> I love reviews, comments, and any other sort of communication. Feel free to stop in to say hi - you can find me on Tumblr at leavesdancing.tumblr.com, or at my Bond fandom tumblr, zephyrfox.tumblr.com.


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